Oh good god, that only took me 2 hours and 3/4 of my brain cells to get logged in today. Don't expect much good to come from this blog today, ive wrote and re-wrote enough lines to fill up a whole page already. That's what most of my deal is. Second guessing everything.
i write from sitting on top of heating vent, trying to listen for the furnace to click off. its -27• •below zero out with windchill and our house is anything but warm. You can feel the cold seep through the thin walls and the old windows are sealed with ice. This last couple weeks of frigid winter have kept me pretty much home bound except for doctors appointments. This mornings dentist appointment was rescheduled because of the cold. Our furnace clicked off so now I must move around some heaters and get them directed to the thermostat so the furnace stays off for a bit and gets a "break", we can't run er to hard-she's been going non-stop for weeks! I know this makes me sound like I'm backwoods Hillbilly or some kind of a hick, but northern MN winters are hard, their not for pussys!
I haven't had too many changes in my health these days, which is great.. Dr K had just checked out my hands for the progression of CREST (Scleroderma) and we talked about my esophageal mobility. (The acid reflux still being taken care of by the hiatal hernia surgery)we discussed energy/fatigue and again he didn't listen as I complained about my weight and all the different ways I've tried to loose it and not a single poun.d has shed, so discouraging ☹️ The Appointments with therapists and pain management specialists all go well.- I'm managing so they say. I'm still off of Methadone and walking on my feet. Much better off than I was say 2 or even 4 years ago at this time! Both winters I had to relearn how to walk and was stuck in a wheel chair for months. Never did I want that again to happen! I might be in chronic pain right now but I'm moving around on my own independently and interacting with my children, something that was taken from me before and I was scared to death I couldn't get back.
Im still trying to remind myself every chance I get to make the moments last. To really take interest in my children's life and play a part in their happiness! Looking at pictures really got to me today- the times gone by way too fast! I've got to stop thinking about all the time that I've missed out on and concentrate on the present ( I get way too worked up when I even start thinking about anything in the future so we are gonna close the lid on that, pause it, and shove it back into hiding for now.)
i write from sitting on top of heating vent, trying to listen for the furnace to click off. its -27• •below zero out with windchill and our house is anything but warm. You can feel the cold seep through the thin walls and the old windows are sealed with ice. This last couple weeks of frigid winter have kept me pretty much home bound except for doctors appointments. This mornings dentist appointment was rescheduled because of the cold. Our furnace clicked off so now I must move around some heaters and get them directed to the thermostat so the furnace stays off for a bit and gets a "break", we can't run er to hard-she's been going non-stop for weeks! I know this makes me sound like I'm backwoods Hillbilly or some kind of a hick, but northern MN winters are hard, their not for pussys!
I haven't had too many changes in my health these days, which is great.. Dr K had just checked out my hands for the progression of CREST (Scleroderma) and we talked about my esophageal mobility. (The acid reflux still being taken care of by the hiatal hernia surgery)we discussed energy/fatigue and again he didn't listen as I complained about my weight and all the different ways I've tried to loose it and not a single poun.d has shed, so discouraging ☹️ The Appointments with therapists and pain management specialists all go well.- I'm managing so they say. I'm still off of Methadone and walking on my feet. Much better off than I was say 2 or even 4 years ago at this time! Both winters I had to relearn how to walk and was stuck in a wheel chair for months. Never did I want that again to happen! I might be in chronic pain right now but I'm moving around on my own independently and interacting with my children, something that was taken from me before and I was scared to death I couldn't get back.
Im still trying to remind myself every chance I get to make the moments last. To really take interest in my children's life and play a part in their happiness! Looking at pictures really got to me today- the times gone by way too fast! I've got to stop thinking about all the time that I've missed out on and concentrate on the present ( I get way too worked up when I even start thinking about anything in the future so we are gonna close the lid on that, pause it, and shove it back into hiding for now.)