I miss the days that were blurred.
I miss the weeks, months, years that were blurred.
The unknown of off and on treatments, the remission, the "blame it all on Lyme" days.
When the lines weren't so defined there was no way I could be of blame.
It's not anyone making me feel blame other than myself, so rather refrain~guilt. When it was hazzy I wasn't the one responsible.
When everything was smudged I kept rubbing my eyes and praying for them to clear, for everyone's voices to become distinct. For night to become recognizable from day and for the birthdates of my children to stick in my head!
I NEVER ever EVER in my wildest would I have thought I would want "that" back,......I don't know IF I do..(I don't know what I want anymore)....but back then I WAS going to get better......I ONLY had chronic Lyme disease and some "disorders". When the future was talked about it was talked about as if it "was going back to as it was before".......now the future is this.....I know life is what you make it, so make it good, yadayadayada. I know keep positive and you will be positive, I know you put out what comes back at you, and miracles do happen, then this family needs to stop getting the mail from our post office box cause faith is really taking a beating! Ya hear!
I want to help others, I want to raise awareness in multiple invisible chronic incurable untreatable autoimmune disease. (Holy crap that's a mouth ful) I just don't know how to open eyes yet.....I don't wanna be a negative Nancy but some things I gotta hit hard on the head real serious like because, well....I didn't and now.....I'm f___ed. Truly up a creek, I have now put my family at risk cause I thought there was time, thought I was too young too worry about it.
I was doing the absolute best I could at the time, I thought I was covering as many bases that needed to be covered and gaining all the points by stealing time and sliding home. I didn't think there wouldn't be time later on to deal with things that seemed unnessisary. Everyone kept telling me I was getting better.
Look into health insurance, find an agent, pick out what kind you want and through what carrier. Choose your company, your plan and policy get it taken care of BEFORE you become an "uninsurable customer". Don't wait until you have 2 handfuls of specialty hospitals caring for your health, and there's a list a mile long of your diagnoses that there are not cures for and you can't treat. You never know what or WHEN something like this can happen to you or a loved one. (Oh and I know who you are gonna suggest I try giving a call, those commercials/infomercials on TV, ya they all lie, but thank you for trying to take an interest I do appreciate that!!! Honestly it's a lot more than most<3 )
So rant of the day< go get yourself some godforsaking damn life insurance NOW! That's the advice I have for you today that and don't use that Crest toothpaste that has blue crystals in it cause they are really made of plastic and will lodge in your gums and dentists don't like it!
Tomorrow I shall post something happy or humorous, I promise you so<3 xo